So here I was, single with two small-ish children.I could see what #1's multitudes of women in & out of his life was doing to the kids. I didn't want to do that or add to their confusion. So I chose not to date. But I did want to get laid...maybe. I had no respect for men when I married #1, I certainly didn't after divorcing him. I wanted male approval & attention but didn't feel worthy of love & affection. My answer to this was to hit on my best friend's neighbor. I was over at her place, visiting & noticed him. HOT! She let me know that he was asking all kinds of questions about me. NICE! I'd been single for almost a year at this point & hadn't had sex for much longer (recall #1 & I had separate rooms). Love was never my answer, but sex certainly was. I went over to said friend's apartment one night, KNOWING she was out of town. Knocking on her door, the neighbor poked his head out. Why hello! He let me know she was out of town, silly me, I had forgotten. Did I want to come in for a beer? But of course! One thing led to another...yeah yeah, I got laid. Good & proper. I let my friend know when she came back to town. She laughed but I could tell she also was not too thrilled. After all she had to live next to this guy. But I like sex, so I disregarded her feelings & popped over his place again. One thing led to another. This time it wasn't so good & proper. Hmmm, maybe I should try this again, since the first time was great. Did it...Nope, sucked again. So I was done with this guy.
As the years progressed I started a career. I was very successful and professional in that aspect. My social life on the other hand was on a downward spiral. While I was with #1 I didn't drink or drug. Ten years without so much as a beer. Remember, I'm not the alcoholic. I started going out with friends, one beer here & there, no big deal. Frustration with men & getting myself laid & ignoring what was really going on inside me, I started getting drunk when I went out. D-RUNK! Stupid. How I never got a DUI is beyond me. No drugs still...24 years and counting.
I got in a "realtionship" with several unhappily married men throughout the years. Hey, they were the ones who were married, not me. I met guys online and they seemed cool then I met them and they were junk. But I wanted to have that sexual attention that I craved so much. So I fucked them even though I pretty much found them to be repulsive. Then they never heard from me again.
After 5 years of being single & doing this I found myself exhausted and miserable. So I tried dating for real. I met this great guy. Well, he was super fun. He had issues of his own. Was a single father. Drank every weekend & smoked pot. Really?!?!?! Are we doing this again???? We were on & off for about a year. Then I put my foot down. He wasn't happy and tried for a few months to get back together. Even though it was HE who said no time for a relationship. I met another guy. He was great!!!! No drugs, no drink, solid career, owned his own home...8 hours from where I lived. Long distance for about 5 months. No real romance, but lots of sex. That was done. Then I met another guy, about a half a year later...I think I was feeling super UNlovable at this point...I settled for a month or so with him. Each one of these men I had sex with the very night I met them. Can we see a pattern here?
At this point, I'd been divorced for 7+ years. I see this guy while I'm out at a bar with a friend. He is BEAUTIFUL!!!! But young, oh so young. I find out 8 years younger than I am. But we are mutually attracted and he can carry an intelligent conversation and he thinks I am beautiful and worth loving. Enter into the mix...#2!!!!!
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